Friday, December 13, 2013

christmas lights and a beautiful spine

Last night I sent my camera home with McKayla in charge of taking pictures for me.  While we were able to get the tree up before I had to go back to the hospital, we did not have the time, or the right weather to put up the Christmas lights.  So I told McKayla that she was in charge of documenting the event for me.  They seemed to have a really good time, and it looked like such a beautiful day!  I wish that I could've taken Ryker out to just soak in  all of the beautiful weather and sunlight.  We did open the curtains and enjoy it from the inside of the hospital.

I was told today that I was doing well enough to be discharged.  I had so many emotions going through me at once.  I was so happy to be able to go home and be with my kids, but it also made it more real how sick Ryker was.  He is not even close to being ready to come home with me.  While I was waiting for my last lab results, and discharge papers to be drawn up, I went to visit Ryker in the NICU.  Corey was at home with the kids making good use of the beautiful weather putting up Christmas lights until I needed to be picked up.  When I went there, one of the hospitals social service reps were checking in on families to see how they were doing, and if they needed any sort of help.  Amy (the rep) caught me at a very emotional vulnerable time.  She asked how everything was going and if I was handling the baby being in the hospital while my kids were at home okay.  I just burst into tears!  We talked for a bit and right when I was starting to calm down and Amy had left, my doctor came in to check on me one last time before officially having the discharge papers printed out for him to sign.  I very obviously looked like I had been crying.  Dr LaMonica said, "Is everything okay?".  That was enough to turn on the waterworks one more time.  He was so nice, even though I am sure he thought I was a crazy person.  He talked to me for a bit about my concerns.  Most of my concerns are about how I am going home and Ryker has to stay at the hospital.  It just seems like such a daunting thing to handle as a mother.  Then he turned to ask about how Ryker was doing.  I told him about his line of care that we were doing for him right now  Then I said, "Isn't he just so beautiful?"  Dr LaMonica's response is still my favorite, and most honest response I have ever heard.  He said, "Well his face is covered with a CPAP and a blind fold,  But he looks like he has a perfect spine."

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